Belt-busting Cupcakes

Just so you know, I don’t believe that I am fat. Not really …

However, I do eat a lot. I don’t find shame in this (at least not always … not often … just from time-to-time) – but I really just like to eat more than anything else (okay, maybe not anything, but almost).

I held an internship in a little office for three days a week. So, three days a week I pack my lunch to go, and I’ll eat at work.

One lovely Friday I had leftover casserole for lunch. (I make really delicious casserole with mashed potatoes as a bottom layer; ground beef as the next, spinach topped with cream of mushroom and a crust of Pillsbury dough bread, compliments a la Mama). But along with my casserole I packed leftover mashed potatoes and cookies (both homemade of course). This was not a light lunch – I was packing on the carbs and sugars.

To get a decent picture of how much food I bring for lunch, imagine a three-course meal while everyone else brings a tupperware with three peas rolling around. (That is a slight exaggeration).

I wolf down my comfort foods of carbohydrates and sugars while everyone nibbles at their three peas. That they share. Between the four of them. (No, no don’t believe that, that’s a lie).

At this point, I’m stuffed.

But wait! There’s more! After our lunch break, a box of gluten-free cupcakes are magically delivered to our front desk! The smell of sugar, and baked goods with sweet frosting smothered on top draws our attention. Do not mess with a woman with a sweet tooth, you will probably get mauled and ripped to shreds.

We open the lid and a golden light escapes, basking each cupcake in a halo of goodness. There are about ten cupcakes all together, so naturally we want to sample them all. Each of us grab a cupcake for ourselves, and then we pick and peck at the cupcakes that didn’t make the first cut (we didn’t want them to feel lonely or like rejects). Within 30 seconds of standing around the front desk, all that was left were two empty boxes and crumbs.

Now the afternoon rush is not so much a rush as it is a lull. After lunch, I sit in my cubicle fact checking or compiling information to write articles. Sometimes there will come a moment where my mind just blanks and I completely zone out. My eyes get heavy, my head feels heavy and all the blood is rushing to my gut.

This was one of those days. As my head nodded and my eyes surrendered to the inevitable weight of  food coma … I breathed in. This lovely calm of air entered my lungs, swelling inside of me with a flood of drowsiness. Just when my lungs were stretched to take in as much breath as they possibly could … thunder rolled, lightening cracked, the earth opened wide its jowls to swallow me whole.

I looked down at my waist, and there was my thin, little, blue leathered belt … ripped apart in half, held by one single thread.

I’ve been embarrassed before, but in an office full of teeny tiny, fashionable women, I was mortified. The only thought going through my head: “I’m not fat. I’m not fat. I’m not fat. I’m not …”

I didn’t throw the belt away. I have it as a keepsake to remind me of what happened, and how I should really induce portion control.

Bon apetit!

L.

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